"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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