oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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