I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
