you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize