i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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