I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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