please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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