Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
