Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
