Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I wish I only lived at night.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(250): View more from British Columbia

Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME

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(352): View more from Florida

All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.

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(512): View more from Texas

Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list

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