Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

(1-302): View more from Delaware

You mean inside out.

(302): View more from Delaware

No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

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(585): View more from New York

even my farts smell like vagina

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(850): View more from Florida

hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

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(631): View more from New York

do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Going to get a "plan B"urrito

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(478): View more from Georgia

I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."

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(620): View more from Kansas

I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm

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