can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body