hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
