his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love you.
Bad choice
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