Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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