the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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