I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize