You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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