we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
