i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
