A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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