sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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