this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
