I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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