D3 body, D1 cock
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
