So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
