It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
