My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
