I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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