i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
