I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
