I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Found the puke drawer
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
