I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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