it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
