How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
