So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
