There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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