I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
