is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
