When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
