New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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