So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
