This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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