okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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