i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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