My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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