rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
