WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
