my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
