last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
