the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
