are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
