My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
