I think I died a long time ago.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sext me about skeletons
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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