it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
