dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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