She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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