he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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