Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
