we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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