your room smells of hookers.
And success
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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