That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
