I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's the barista slut.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
