do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
