This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
