Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
