hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
